So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
