i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
