My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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