she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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