Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
