sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
