So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
