Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
