i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
