could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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