Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
