One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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