I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
