Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
