i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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