my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
