My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
