At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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