it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize