why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
