I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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