watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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