: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
