her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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