That's when you crack a 10am beer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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