saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
