Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
either way he was missing a nipple.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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