I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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