They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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