8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
