I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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