Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love you. Go after that dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize