the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
