how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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