He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
