This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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