Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
