Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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