Do you still have your period?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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