I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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