hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
