everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
