can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
