i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
