She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
