Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
