just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want to fling myself into the sun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
