You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
