I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
