we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
