It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
did i just pee glitter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
