So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize