I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
