I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
