Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
