Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
