after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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