finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love you.
Bad choice
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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