I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
