I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
