Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm always down for nudity.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
