you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize