apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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