Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize