Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
please don't ironically join a cult
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