How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
