I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
