Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
