It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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