Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
