You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
