i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
