i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
