She is in my trunk
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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