is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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