Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
