Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
