It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
