Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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