Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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