we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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