i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was like eating out sand paper
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
