What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
