I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize