I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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