i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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