U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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