You smell like a Billy Joel song
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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