Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
