in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
