Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
