R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
