Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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