dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
