Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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