so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
