nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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