lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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