I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
