This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
