I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
