Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found the puke drawer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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