my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize