i permit you to call me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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