she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
