my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
