Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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