what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
