That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
