nut hugger
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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