drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
