Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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